Time

I look at the time hoping the beginning of the next hours will be different, but every hour is an hour of disappointment. Feeling so bored I could actually be the pointer myself.

Accurately and precisely displaying the time, going round in the same direction and circle. When what I really should be doing is enjoying present time.

I'm just going round and round as a machine with a mind of it's own. Only capable of operating while yearning for another function to be installed.

Right now I feel like the concept of time is an invention of evil. The only time I get to spend on the prison yard is in my dreams, as they are always changing. Giving me excitement through unawarness of time, that could be the reason why I feel so exhausted in the mornings.

I will now go to sleep. Will see if I can find that place where the sun goes to set.

A saying closing in

A saying I've started to like and understand recently is the saying, "Du måste lära dig att acceptera saker och ting som der är". In english, "You have to learn to accept things the way they are".

Most of the times I've heard it from the seniors, people with a lot more experience of life than I have. I've always felt that saying is a retreat, like raising the white flag. I think that I'm not the only one - in fact I'm sure most people do.

I always try to understand, maybe even excessively. It's a little pain to explain.

I don't want to use the word analyze, because for some reason I find that word very objective. I guess you could put it as I analyze things in a very subtle and emotional way. There is so many things I try to understand, draw so many different conclusions, almost covered every possible outcome.

Each soloution gives satisfaction
Until something comes up causing a change of scene
Growing doubts.

Every analyze can come down to a final outcome, the round ball is not a rectangle. The blonde girl with a ton of makeup and a fake smile is not faked. This is when you learn to accept things the way they are. Not satisfied, not too thoughtful.

That's the reason I fancy this saying, it's so complete and accurately built, like the blueprint of wisdoms architecture.

Anxiety and questionmarks

Whats within this pale and colorless frame is about to be painted with anxiety and questionmarks. The beauty in art becomes reality. Anxiety is like a train on coals. Enslaved, dirty and powerful - a vicious injection.

Might have chosen the wrong direction? No worries... anxiety will take you right back to the interception. Granting another choice another direction. Just don't get carried away too far.

Anxiety and quesitonmarks is a married couple.
Sometimes stormy, somtimes calm.
Til' death do them part.

I think they should be embraced as they are the ones that stakes out the path. Unfortunately path will close in on you through disorientation and attempts to leave the path. The anxiety must be swallowed, processed and returned to mother earth. Otherwise Mrs Question will make sure no answer is satisfying.

We've already seen horniness arise from disgust. Filth for some, is paradise. So I'd say embrace them, even in pain.. a ray of warmth even in wet rain.

Don't let them divorce, keep them close. Without anxiety there will be no questions. The answers will be lost since you will have forgotten what you were looking for. Indifference mode initiated.

Shattering

Picture yourself
A globe of glass
Shattering

You there
Picture
Yourself shattering

Would you,

Ring the cleaner, flip a coin and surrender into elses hands?
Sweep it under the carpet, still present, but invisible to the eye?
Glue the shards back together, weakened and scarred?

I think a good option would be to crawl into the recycling box..

Wisdom is not blind